That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
