life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
