I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
