Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
