We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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