he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
