Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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