and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
