Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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