Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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