I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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