I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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