In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
