Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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