I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
