"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
