I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm passing your future prison.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
