so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
