I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't want my vagina anymore.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
