Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
