So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize