dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
