She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
