I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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