We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
