If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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