If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
