im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
