why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
