FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
