i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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