This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
