If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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