he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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