Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
