just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
