Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
