good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
