I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
