Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
