: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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