Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
