none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
