So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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