It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
