i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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