I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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