He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
