I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
