I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
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Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
please don't ironically join a cult
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