I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
