He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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