At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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