He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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