I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
