I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
