I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
