No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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