If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
