operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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