we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We got so high we made milksteak
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
