the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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