I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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