i think my tv is drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
