can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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