She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
