Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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