please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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