I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
