Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
