Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
