ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
