it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
