I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
