had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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